I feel like shit right now. Nothing is the way I want it to be or the way I want it to go... like always. And the worst part of all it's my fault, just like it always it. I hate this feeling right now. I wish I had someone who was able to cheer me up right now, but I don't.... or just even someone to talk to. But things are the way they are for a reason. Life keeps repeatedly telling me that there is no such thing as support like the support you give yourself. I just keep refusing to listen, hence, why i'm sitting in my room right now crying to myself. Sad, but true.

Maybe i'll have a better day, someday.

I'm caught up in my phase and I'm not sure what to think of it. I feel sorta conflicted, but not really. I feel a little bit of temptation but then no... not really. I think i'm just waiting for my answers and I want them soon. Hopefully I will get them soon enough. It's funny how they both make me smile, but I still choose one over the other..... but it's not even a question.... it's obvious where I lie.

...... I wanna know how it is you feel and whether you think it's right cuz I think it is.

oh a different note..... I can't believe i'm sick again. This summer is definitely bad luck.... sick constantly. Ugh... I hate this. Someone make me feel better!!!  I appreciate visits like the hospital.

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*edit [7/2/07]
Whenever I feel like things are finally going to be ok things always have to happen. I cried today and I never cry. Thanks.

I no longer have that type of motivation anymore..... maybe it's better this way. Thanks guys.

hMm.... today is so crappy outside. It's extra cold today too. Glad I didn't have work. Still on the search for the new job. I had to responses already.... hopefully they prove to be promising. I really need a job right now. I'm still sick too. Haven't been better since last week.... sadly. Last weekend I practically lost my voice... and now I just have this ridiculous cough and it's killing my throat. Hoping to be better soon.... very very soon. Other than trying to find a job, i'm just trying to get a few things together. Gettin some family stuff together and some things for school. Trying to find tons of loans so I can pay for school.

On a brighter note, I finally got to talk to the boyfriend yesterday in what seems like a week. Pretty much haven't talked to him since I got sick. So it was really nice to talk to him, even if it was just for a little bit. He's been super busy and tired, but it's good. Trying to make plans to see him soon. I don't know when exactly.... end of the month or next month at some point maybe. Depends when he has time and when I can accumulate funds to go... or when I find the new job.... whichever comes first. I'm thinking most likely next month sometime though. We'll see.

Today is one of the homegrl's birthday, the big 2-1!! Have a good one chica. My other homegrl is leaving in a few days for the homeland... should be tons of fun. I'm definitely jealous. Trying to get those plans for the cape set up soon, so I can look forward to that. And if everything is willing... I hope to go back to Florida this summer too. Or if not.... I still want to go somewhere.

Herez to hoping for the best this summer..... later kidz.....